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Sunday, April 17, 2011

Catching Up....The Night Before the Diep Flap

Hello everyone!  I have not written in a while.  I have not wanted to unfortunately.  Although I am doing pretty well, I have some very sad news.  It has been hard for me to even think about writing it down.  At the end of March, my triple negative friend, Heather, passed away.  Her family and children have had to endure the pain of not only burying Heather, but her husband Doug as well.  I mentioned this in a previous post.  He was taking Heather to Chicago for treatments and he apparently had a heart attack and passed at Cancer Treatment Centers of America where Heather was receiving treatments.  My heart aches for Heather's family, but I am comforted to know that Heather is with her true love and wonderful husband dancing on streets of gold in heaven.  I think of her often and her beautiful sisters and children.  She fought so hard.  Her strength will always be an inspiration to me.  I know everyday when I think my day is bad or I am tired or scared...I will think of Heather and her fight.  Her will to live was so strong and I will keep that in my heart and remember how much I have to be thankful for everyday.  I wish I could have held her hand or looked into her eyes.  Instead, we were connected only through our words and our mutual desire to beat this awful disease.  Our hearts were connected.  We shared our desires and our fears.  I will always remember Heather and her beautiful soul that touched my life forever.  Rest in peace Heather.  Until we meet in Heaven, I will keep up this fight...and always remember you.

So a lot has happened since I last wrote.  I found a doctor in Dallas to perform my surgery.  So tomorrow at 5:00 a.m. I will go to the hospital and get checked in for a 10 hour surgery called the DIEP flap.  This is great.  I am so glad that I will get to be in town and close to my family.  In short, the doctor will be transplanting tissue from my abdominal area (skin, fat and blood vessels) and making my breast out of this.  This is a very tedious long process.  It is the first of three surgeries that will make me "whole" again.  I am experiencing a rush of emotions, crying as I type this.  It is an end, and a beginning. It is saying good-bye to these ugly scars that I have and saying hello to a new me....still scarred but much improved.  These scars I will bear with pleasure not pain.  These are the ones that say "I'm still alive to have the privilege of repairing cancer's 'ground zero'."  I must get my bag packed for the hospital. I don't think I have cried like this in a long time.  So for now I will end this post.  I will say my prayers tonight.  I will pray for the surgeons skill and for God's complete healing.  I pray also for my two friends Kim and Heather who have both passed away fighting this terrible beast.  I pray for their families...that they may have peace.  I pray for my family, for Kevin, Landri, and Presley that they may always know how much I love them.  Until next time...