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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Broken Heart

Hi everyone!  I have been busy trying to live life and forget about cancer.  It's a new year.  Thank you, Lord.  I am still trying to get to San Antonio for the start of my reconstruction.  New year means more money out of our pockets for my medical expenses.  So much fun!  Thankfully, I can honestly say that this time we got our money's worth out of our insurance last year....not many people can say that. (I am looking at the bright side here, OK?)


During this blog, I have mentioned a few women that I have met that also were battling triple negative breast cancer.  One local woman, a single mom with three kids, Kim.  I met her in chemo.  Her nice fiance would sit through her chemo and Kevin would sit with me.  I remember watching them both playing games on their IPhones while we were being infused with poisons and cancer drugs.  Kim showed me how she tied the scarves on her head that she always wore.  She was beautiful and always so positive. She was about 4 weeks ahead of me in treatments.  My last week of radiation I saw her in the waiting room as I was coming out.  She looked amazing and had grown a full head of curly hair.  She had stopped in to deliver some Scentsy candles to someone who had placed an order with her.  She had already finished all her treatments.  In the next few weeks, her facebook posting announced that her cancer was back and she was going to look for a clinical trial to get in if possible.  If not, everything else is experimental at this point.  Well, Kim married her fiance in mid January and I found out yesterday that she passed away last Friday.  She was just here.  I think I cried most of the day at this news.  My heart is breaking for her family.


Then came more horrible news...My friend Heather, triple negative in Van Wert, Ohio has been battling for her life since the same time that I was diagnosed.  We are the same age and she has two boys and a wonderful husband, 44 year old, Doug.  Heather has been receiving treatments at Cancer Treatment Centers of America.  She has been fighting with everything she has in her.  During their most recent visit to Zion, Illinois (please excuse me my details are sketchy at this point)...Doug apparently had a heart attack and passed away.  That is what Heather told me that they thought was the cause of his death.  Why????  Please someone help me to understand this....better yet speak to Heather when you leave your comments.  I am at a loss for words why one person should have to bear all this.  I know that God always knows the bigger picture that we can't see....still I am speechless.  There is this empty hole in my gut.  I can't even imagine the pain and sorrow that tortures Heather right now as she fights for her own life.  It literally hurts my mind to even try to wrap my head around this.  It hurts.  Please read my earlier blog posts to find out more about Heather....like "a spec on a pig's butt" I think on May 19th 2010.


Please leave some comments of encouragement, prayers, or words of wisdom....anything....but talk to Heather in my comment section because I know she will eventually read this.  Help me, and help her.  Pray for Kim's family, especially her children and new husband.  Also, pray for Heather...until next time....:-(

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Prayers and love to you Penny!

You are so beautiful and loved by us all...

Prayers to your friends and their families as well...

Love ya!

Terry Baldwin
Bend, Oregon

carolyn said...

Praying for you my sweet friend! You are so beautiful! You will be beat this! Love ya! Shelly Stephenson Bumgardner Arlington, Texas

SingingWarrior said...

i don't understand either. i wish i did. as you know, my grandfather passed on Jan 7. sometimes i think i should understand. sometimes i'm angry. sometimes i just cry cause i miss him so much. The last 7-8 months have been difficult: Kathy, June 2010, kidney cancer; Richard, Aug 2010, lung cancer; and now my grandfather. Even though he was 91 and had not been able to live at home for about a year, it is the most difficult loss of my life. I get angry that somebody came into that facility while they were sick and got all the residents sick. At the same time, I'm glad he doesn't have to suffer any more. Sometimes I feel guilty for missing him so much, like I'm being selfish.
but what I really am trying to get to is I've also watch how those of us around these people have compromised our own health in the process of caring for them. My grandmother hardly ate anything the whole time grandpa was in the hospital. My mom has blood tests that are worse than they've ever been, probably due to the stress of 2 weeks of being at her dad's bedside. Some of us are functioning on pure adrenaline because we have developed sleep issues with these disruptions of "normal". My friend who lost her husband in August has had severely decreased immunity since then and missed much work.
I pray for us all. Those who are battling horrible terminal illnesses and those who have been along their sides sometimes to the point of neglecting our own health. I pray that all of us stay mindful to take care of ourselves so we can continue to be there for each other as God directs.

Ellie K. Belfiglio said...

My dear child, it is good that you're writing again. I know writing for me is like taking some relaxing medicine. It is so hard to see Kim gone. I, like you cried for a long time. I remember, the days of the chemo when I was always there with you, and walked around the room and talked to Kim and Meme and others. I remember how she showed you how to tie the scarve the way she was wearing it. She had such a good attitude about everything. When you talked to her, the way I did, you never felt that she was fighting for her life. I know Heather through you; however she was always so kind to me. She was practically the only one that always give me a "like" thumb on my face book page for everything I did. Dear Child life is so difficult as it is. Giving advice is just so vain at this point. But as I said in my email, just pray The good Lord. You're okay now. No one knows what is for them at any given moment. Anything can happen to anyone at any time! Remember that. Think about all the people that love you sincerely, your beautiful girls, your hardworking and dedicated husband who loves you even more now than the first day of your marriage... and then think about all of us, your family. We all love you. Don't stress yourself. Take care of your body, mind, and soul, my beautiful child...

diane4ton said...

Haven't talked to you in years- but wanted you to know how touched I am by your courage and grace in the face of suffering and uncertainty. The impact we have on others is what matters at the end of the day. Your impact is far-reaching, Kim. Don't you dare give up.

Courtney said...

We can never understand. It is so hard when someone is there with us one day and gone the next. We never stop expecting them to walk thru the door. We never stop dreaming about them. We never stop loving them. And neither does Christ. We don't understand, but He does. We are not here to live for this world, but to live in His world. One of my two favorite pastors has a blog that I read often. He wrote the below. It was like he was talking to me, after I lost my father. It is like he is talking to you now. Read the whole thing at:
www.reclaimingthemind.org. This blog is at:

http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2011/02/questions-i-hope-no-one-will-ask-will-god-protect-my-children/


We don’t come to Christ because of guarantees of health, wealth, or protection from physical danger. We come to him because he is Lord. We don’t become Christians because of fringe benefits, we become Christians because Christianity is true. We come to Christ and bow our knee knowing he loves us enough to die for us. We come to him knowing that his plan, whatever that may be, is full of love, purpose, and wisdom. We come to him because of the guarantees of the life to come, not the guarantees of this life.