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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Burn Baby Burn!

I know I have not written in a long time.  I have been battling and fighting the fatigue that comes with radiation treatments.  I go four days a week, run an errand or two afterwards, then go home and fall into the deepest sleep you could ever imagine.  I am very burned...so much so, that the doctor gave me a week off due to the extent of my burns.  The fatigue is immediate.  It literally feels like you lay on the table, get radiation while your blood is being drained.  I find myself having close calls while driving myself home.  I can barely stay awake, and there is this sense of hotness that comes with it.  The smell of burnt flesh stays with you all the time...going in and out of you with every breath.  I really thought this would be a lot easier than it has been.  It is still not as bad as chemo, but it is not easy.  The fatigue is always there everyday.  My eyes feel so dry and crisp.  It is like everything inside your body is hard and leathery, dry as a bone.  I have debated on whether to post the picture of myself showing my burns at #15.  There is no breast to see, nothing of any sexual nature.  So I think that I will because people don't realize exactly what radiation will do to your body.  I know that people facing radiation want to know what lies ahead for them.  I will say that not everyone reacts the same way.  A client of mine told me she had 38 radiation treatments to the breast and had no problems and did not get burned.  She saw the pictures of my burns and said that she experienced nothing like that at all.  So I don't want my situation to scare anyone.  Actually the burned part of my chest really hurts very little.  You must remember I have very few nerve endings left in that area.  The burn is nothing in comparison to the fatigue that I am experiencing.  I only have about six treatments left, and I just keep thinking that every cancer cell is being fried and killed....every last one.  I have had a really tough couple of days fighting depression.  I think the fatigue causes me to be depressed.  I have so much to be thankful for everyday.  I will write again soon and post more pictures as the burn heals.  I hope this is not offensive to anyone.  That is not my intention.  I hope instead that it may help someone else, a caretaker, a survivor, or anyone else who has to deal with the side effects of radiation.  Leave me your comments.  Until next time my friends...

8 comments:

Jennifer Mathews said...

I love that you are brave enough to post your burn picture. You hear the words "chemo" and "radiation" but don't really know what's involved. Hope your fatigue lessens soon. Miss you!

Ellie K. Belfiglio said...

Oh, my God, I had no idea. Please my dear child. this time I am going to tell you hang in there. Just a little left. All wounds heel one way or the other. You got to get better after radiation is over. Think about future when you do the reconstructive surgery. Take care of yourself meanwhile. Take your medicine for pain or depression or fatigue or just to feel good even if it is artificial. That is why they are there to use them in your case. I know 'THIS SHALL PASS TOO". Remember how many people love you even the one that fighting their own depression! I love you and I always be your mommy-in- love. I love that term.
From here to there.

SingingWarrior said...

I wish I could help you out with the driving. If somebody can, and offers, please accept. We don't want to lose you because you fell asleep behind the wheel.

Yolanda said...

Thank you for sharing Penny. I can not imagine the exhaustion you must be feeling. I am so glad that you will be done with these treatments before the holiday season comes around. I check your blog daily for updates, and when I do I pray for you.

Love you and praying!!!

Anonymous said...

It is good to hear from you again. Your being so open and willing to share your experience is a testament to your faith and your determination.
Do not be concerned about the photo. It is important for us to "see" just what you are going through and to pray that you will heal from the effects of the radiation and that you will be released from your fatigue and depression. Soon you will be here in San Antonio for your reconstructive surgery. Continue to be strong in your faith and know that when your are in pain and depressed that there are many, many people who are holding you up in prayer. Love and prayers, Aunt Sharon

AFWingMom said...

You're brave and courageous. I hope your blog also helps others and I love the fact that you are willing to open up to people and let them see what it's like. (((hugs))) and prayers for you. <3 ya!

Cindy said...

I love you, sis! Hang in there! One day at a time!

Holly said...

hi - i just found you - i'm another TNBC sister...radiation is so hard...i still have pain from it every single day...three years out.

sending love and gentle hugs to you!!