Well, it is Monday evening. I have spent most of the weekend feeling very sick. Nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, and a horrible taste in my mouth have been just a few of the aggravations. Oh yeah, I forgot...my hair is falling out, too! This, my friends, is CANCER. As bad as it is, I know it could always be worse. I just think of all the love and support I have, and I feel very blessed. I think of all the single mothers that go through this, all the while taking care of children and working. I feel blessed.
I finally got to go to one of Landri's softball games and see her for the first time. This is the first year she has played softball. They have made the play-offs. Friday night her Dad gave me a ride to the softball fields and I got to watch a great group of girls. Say what you will about todays's youth. Let me tell you folks, there is a strong force of young women that are headed to adult hood as we speak. Landri, my 17 year old, plays basketball, volleyball, runs track, throws discus, and now plays softball. She excells in her school work and her character is top notch. Don't get me wrong, she has her flaws. Her room is always a mess, and I am sure there are many things that I will never know about that would disappoint me. That is when you have to say "we all have our flaws". After her softball game she spent the night with a friend, Brooke. Brooke, Landri, and some other girls had a plan. They all got up the next morning early and went to participate in THE RACE FOR THE CURE. I have had the privilege of meeting many young women Landri's age through her sports. These young women are strong, confidant, smart, beautiful, and full of character. They are ambitious, spiritual, and kind. They are our future. Unfortunately, one out of every eight of these young women will have breast cancer in their lifetime. I can only pray that number will change. I pray that my daughters and their friends never have to go through this.
So they said my hair would fall out right at day 14 post chemo. Well, the evening of day 15, it started. This does not sadden me or bother me like it would most people. I think being a hair stylist gives you a different outlook about it, It is just hair. However, what surprises me....is that it sickens me. Literally, I stand over the bathroom sink and rub my head. I watch the hair come out. My stomach turns. It really makes me nauseous. It is not about losing my hair. I think it is because it is something tangible that says my body is being poisoned.....that my body is toxic. That is what makes me sick. And to see the hair come out confirms that there are good cells all through my body being killed by toxins. That sickens me. The hair is coming out in patches. I wish it would just all come out. It somewhat hurts. My scalp is tender. A few tears flow. I wipe them away. I don't care about this hair on my head or what is in the sink. I just care about getting well. I cry because secretly I know this is just the beginning. Even a year from now, this won't be over. There will be more tests and scans to see if the cancer has come back. I cry because I see this long road ahead, and I feel like my fuel tank is on EMPTY. And then I remember Landri's favorite bible verse. "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME" Phiilipians 4:13 There is no doubt about it. Landri and Presley are my fuel, and Christ is my strength.