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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Separating the Men from the Boys


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So about five years ago, I went out on a beautiful Sunday. I had been sick for 3 days and I now felt better. I had cabin fever so I decided to make myself get out of the house. Little did I know, I would meet my husband that day. I had my car washed and was enjoying just finally being out of the house. I was a single mother and had been for 7 years. My kids were with their DAD because it was September 26th...his birthday. I was going to meet them later as we (the girls and I) always take their dad out to eat for his birthday. Regardless of what our relationship was or wasn't, Richard and I always made things respectable and easy for the kids. He was their dad and they should do something for him for his birthday. So it was our tradition to take him out to eat and give him a card or maybe a small gift.

So I had some time to kill that afternoon, my car was clean, and I was driving past this car dealership that was open on Sunday. I decided to pull in and just browse and enjoy the sunshine. This bald guy came up to me and introduced himself as David. I ended up test driving a car and then I said thank you but I really wasn't ready to buy anything. I was satisfied with the car I had. You know how they are....those car salesmen....he insisted on introducing me to his manager. So there he was shaking my hand and introducing himself...."Kevin Navid"...."why don't you let me get your car appraised?" He had dark eyes, and a handsome smile and seemed to have no problems getting my keys out of my hand. I noticed that he dropped all that he was doing and began to focus on me. From that point on, David, the salesman disappeared. Kevin seemed to be taking over. We went outside and began to talk while we were waiting. An hour later I had bought a car. An hour and two minutes later I had a date. Ten weeks later I was married and Kevin was really wishing he would have given me a better deal on the car!

You see, God is always in control when we let him be. At that point in my life when it came to men, I had finally let God take control. He sent me the most wonderful man... not perfect, but perfect for me. And now everyday, he is enduring with me this battle, fighting triple negative breast cancer. It finally hit him hard this week. I looked over and he was sitting on the bed looking at the screen of his laptop. His tears were flowing, running like rivers down his cheeks. He had been scouring the internet only to find what I had, very little information about triple negative. What little you do find talks about higher recurrence rates, lower survival rates, and the fact that there are no targeted therapies to keep it from coming back or advancing. Chemo and radiation HAVE to do the trick. The MUST work. Right now there is nothing else. There are many things happening in the research and experimental areas. We must all pray that there is a major breakthrough soon with this.

Kevin is the most amazing husband and the best step-dad to my daughters. He never had children, but he always wanted some. I couldn't have been blessed with a better person. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, takes Presley to school every morning. These are all things he did BEFORE I was diagnosed with cancer. I assure you he has his "typical male" flaws. I have my many flaws as well. I always said I was not looking for a"Mr. Perfect" but I was looking for a "Mr... I-Know-I'm-Not"

So I have this wonderful man by my side. It has got to be one of the hardest things for a man to watch happen to his wife. First the shock of the diagnosis, then the surgery to remove all of your "visible-to-the-world" girlie parts. Then he gets to watch you go bald and gain weight from the steroids of chemo. Everyday for weeks he comes home to see you wiped out of energy. Men are such visual creatures. This is NOT a good visual. As my dear friend and adopted mother, Patsy, has said....."this is what separates the men from the boys".

Patsy is a breast cancer survivor herself as I have mention in previous blogs. She has a life long wealth of wisdom and knowledge, and it is all at my disposal. I thank God for that. Patsy is my friend, mother, sister in pink, marriage counselor, lunch date, girlfriend, and source of so much strength. And when she says this (breast cancer) is what separates the men from the boys, I know its true! I have heard the most heartbreaking stories of men who just can't handle it and bail. This is when the "in sickness and health" clause gets to be tested.

So Monday we are going to a counselor at the doctor's office. It is part of the process of dealing with this cancer. I think it is something we both could use. I went in the other day and had blood drawn. My white cell count was too low so I am now on antibiotics for a few days. I had couple of spots come up on my face that were of a concern. They said it was from sun worshiping when I was younger and that chemo will make those things appear. I will go with that. Breast cancer is the number one cancer to metastasize to the skin. So if they say I have nothing to worry about then I will move on.

Kevin just got home. He leaned over to kiss me, then he said we were going to church tomorrow. Sometimes God brings you to your knees to draw you closer to him. Sometimes it takes something so BIG, something that is much too big for just you to handle.....and that is when we submit to him. If only we could learn to let go much sooner. To all the husbands out there fighting this battle with their wives....be strong....and be a MAN! You never know the twists and turns that life will deal....it is a journey. A journey that you hope you can go through with someone you love.

I looked on Landri's facebook page and she had posted a quote on her status. I will borrow it to end this post.

"ALL OF LIFE IS A JOURNEY, WHICH PATHS WE TAKE, WHAT WE LOOK BACK ON AND WHAT WE LOOK FORWARD TO IS UP TO US. WE DETERMINE OUR DESTINATION, WHAT KIND OF ROAD WE TAKE TO GET THERE AND HOW HAPPY WE ARE WHEN WE GET THERE."

I am so glad I get to be on this journey with my wonderful husband and children. Until next time my friends....



3 comments:

Carol said...

Penny-It was so good to see you today at the shop. You are beautiful!I've always thought you were pretty, but now without your hair your true beauty is so shining!The strenght in your eyes is so evident and I know where it comes from.Your strength comes from knowing who is in control-your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.Praying for complete healing,comfort and peace for you and your family.Carol

AFWingMom said...

It's wonderful to hear the story about your husband. I am so glad that you're blessed with such an awesome man. Thanks again for the posts Penny, I'm thinking of you and praying for you always. ((hugs))

milissaaustinjenkins said...

Amen on that, "in sickness and in health" part, any kind of serious illness seperates the men from the boys! I got sick, actually I was sick when we got married I just didnt say anything and I am guessing thats why I have no memory of the wedding or life before it!! =) Joe was awesome, he never left, I thought he would but he just ate cold beans and tuna fish out of the can because if I smelled food it made me sick! I remember telling my Mom (later when I was diagnosed with the Crohn's disease and UC and I was healing and bald and hair growing back!) Joe really took that in sickness and in health vow to heart!
God blesses us sometimes beyond our wildest expectations and I do feel very blesed, blessed that I am your friend and blessed that when you talk about steriods I have walked in those shoes, it is such an awesome and terrible drug at the same time, I was at the ear nose and throat doctor on Friday, I had never been to this doctor and he look in my ear and said, "So how long has it been since you have taken steriods?" I just thought now how did he get that from my ear???? Keep writing and I will keep reading so this is so long!! Love you!!! Missi